Fountain of Youth

I'm convinced my children have a magic straw they use to literally suck the youth right out of my soul.  I'm exhausted!  I find myself in the mirror inspecting my pores and searching for wrinkles.  I finger through my hair looking for stray gray hairs that may have spontaneously appeared over night.  And with a birthday approaching anyone can see that I am desperate.

Good news is, I am now only ten days away from looking five years younger!  The back panel of the enchanted sparkled blue gels box says: Get skin that looks up to five years younger in just 14 days!  No more needs to be said, I'm sold.  Besides the fountain of youth promise, it just looks expensive.

Day 1- Pores look smaller and more refined.
                        Check!

Day 2-Unveils your most rejuvenated skin.
                    Check! Check!

Day 3- Gives your skin a seamless airbrushed look.  
                Check! Check! Check!

Day 5- Dramatically smoothes, softens and refines skin texture.
                 Day five here I come!!

Day 7- 25% reduction in the appearance of fine lines and wrinkles.
I'm excited...the way I see it, I only have about 25% fine lines and wrinkles, so this is good.  My husband says, "I don't think it works like that."  But what does he know.

Day 10- Virtually erases the appearance of pores.
I wonder, will it finally be safe to look into the evil magnified mirror that has been banished from the house?

Day 14-Skin looks up to 5 years younger.
This is awesome!  So in a couple of weeks I'm not turning 33, this year I will be turning 28.

This is clearly proof that beauty products don't need to embellish their claims on my account, I am completely delusional on my own.