Follow My Lead

               

Last weekend we had a wedding to attend. I packed the car and drove an hour to the city to pick my husband up from work. Due to my lack of direction, he would drive the rest of the way.

The bride and groom's car breaking down wasn't part of the plan.

When we caught up to the bridal party caravan, squeezed on the side of a windy road, in the pouring rain, the groom's car was finally running. Still not willing to chance it, my husband decided we should drive their kids in our car to be safe.

No problem.  Then...

"Hey babe," my husband said.  "I'll ride with the groom, you take the bride."

The expression on my face dropped. I had a bad feeling, this wasn't the best idea.

"Oh, that's right, I was supposed to drive,"  he remembered.

"Well, it's not ideal...but, I guess I can handle it..." I replied sarcastically. Thoughts of, I don't know where the hell I'm going, were flashing through my mind.

After everyone was crammed into random cars, my husband tapped on the driver side window. "The grooms parents don't know where their going, so let them follow you." 

Great!  So it was the blind leading the blind. What could go wrong?  I had a stressed, panicked bride riding shot gun, twin toddlers in the backseat, and two senior citizens tailing my lead.

"Weddings always have a glitch,"  I reminded the bride.  "This was yours, nothing else can go wrong."

When the exit approached, I turned my blinker on early signaling the car behind me to follow. Then a semi truck cut in front of me, it slowed down and blocked my view of the road ahead.  The exit appeared to be a two lane off ramp, so I switch lanes. 

I was wrong! I cranked my steering wheel right and switched back at the last possible second clipping the off ramp median with my front left tire. I looked to my right with a gut wrenching feeling, I just lost the groom's parents... 

...and in slow motion, I saw the faces of two elderly people drop in disbelief as they missed the exit..so what do I do? 

Wave good-bye.

Marshmallows?

An old man recently flagged my husband down while driving.  The old man motioned for him to roll down his window and then asked him to pull over.  This man had no teeth.

"What is Raising Marshmallows?"  The old man asked slowly, pointing at the window decal on my husbands truck.  "I've been driving behind you and I just had to ask."

"My wife's blog,"  my husband answered.

"Does the white stuff spilling over the back of your tailgate have anything to do with the website?" The old man was still confused.

"No...that's taping mud."  My husband laughed, he explained it wasn't candy.

"What's the blog about then?"  The old man asked.

My husband handed him one of my business cards and suggested he check it out.

So my apologies to all who have stumbled across this blog thinking you would find marshmallows only to discover parental sarcasm. 

While the literal light, spongy, very sweet confection, made up of corn syrup, gelatin, sugar, and starch, then dusted with powdered sugar doesn't live in this blog...the proverbial kind does.
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If There's Nothing Nice to Say, Say Something Else

When I'm out in public with my children, two things always happen.

With Rio strangers stop me and say, "Wow, he's full of energy.  You must be tired." 

But their tone is saying, " Control you child.  And by the way...you look like crap."

I respond with a smile, "Yes, he's all boy.  If I could bottle his energy I'd be rich. But he keeps me young." 

What I'm really saying, "I get it, you don't like boys because your old and bitter."

From when Amaya was a baby strangers always stop me to ask, "Where did she get that beautiful red hair.  Is that her natural hair color."

Their tone is saying, "She obviously doesn't take after you, you must dye her hair for attention."

I respond with a smile, "Yup, it's the Irish in her. You can't get that color in a bottle."

I'm really saying, "Are you an idiot.  Of course it's her natural color. And don't waste your money, her color wouldn't look right on you."

If there's nothing nice to say, say something else!

Black Friday

Black Friday has convinced me...people are nuts! 

Waiting in front of stores a week in advanced with their tents and chairs to be first inside stores to get the deal of a lifetime.  What is it about the word "sale" that makes people go absolutely insane.  That little word convinces people to buy things they don't need, don't want, and will never use.

People waiting in retail lines in excess of two hours to buy a door buster deal.  Others wait to buy one of everything.

"Are we gonna buy something?"  Rio asked while we were searching for the end of the line, that literally wrapped around the entire department store.

"Nope." I told him.

"Why not?" He asked.

"Because there isn't a sale in the world that justifies waiting in that line."  I explained.  "Black Friday's a sport, and we're spectators."

He seemed relieved.

This is why those other crazy people do their Christmas shopping in June.