Black Friday

Black Friday has convinced me...people are nuts! 

Waiting in front of stores a week in advanced with their tents and chairs to be first inside stores to get the deal of a lifetime.  What is it about the word "sale" that makes people go absolutely insane.  That little word convinces people to buy things they don't need, don't want, and will never use.

People waiting in retail lines in excess of two hours to buy a door buster deal.  Others wait to buy one of everything.

"Are we gonna buy something?"  Rio asked while we were searching for the end of the line, that literally wrapped around the entire department store.

"Nope." I told him.

"Why not?" He asked.

"Because there isn't a sale in the world that justifies waiting in that line."  I explained.  "Black Friday's a sport, and we're spectators."

He seemed relieved.

This is why those other crazy people do their Christmas shopping in June.

Web MD Addict

I can't be trusted alone with the Internet, and I can't be trusted not to look up random symptoms on Web MD.  I need an intervention.  Hello.  My name is Nikki, and I am an addict.

I find myself frequently in the position of using our family doctors as the second opinion.

When Amaya was a baby, she had weekly check-ups to have her head measured because her doctor thought her head was shrinking.  No explanation.  I thought, "Is that possible, can that happen?"  So of course I had to Google it.  Turns out the nurse measured wrong.  Good thing.

When my husband went through his fainting phase.  The doctor said, "It happens."  No explanation.  So again, I Googled it.  Turns out, in some people pain triggers shock.  The bigger they are the harder they fall.  Oh, and believe me, I have stories.

When teacher's were concerned Rio had ADHD.  I wasn't having it.  Where did I turn.  First the Internet, then the doctor. Apparently high energy is a symptom of many mental illnesses.  The final diagnosis...he's a boy.

When my doctor told me I had Lupus.  Pretty much out of the blue!  It was all I could do.  Every time I passed the office, I had to look it up.  Searching for a different explanation.  Link by link.  Turns out he was wrong also. 

There's just one thing, with every problem I solve, the Internet gives me three more possible illnesses I never considered.  Brain tumors, cancer, and PTSD. 

Boy, do doctors love me.

Warning! Avoid Alcoholic Beverages

Illness came suddenly.  Attacking Rio early this morning.  First it was his stomach, then his head, then his ear, and now his throat.  He is running a slight fever and tears roll down his face when sharp pains travel through his right ear.  The doctor's office isn't open until Monday.  So I am a prisoner all weekend.

I go through the medicine cabinet looking for something to ease his pain. 

I find Children's Motrin.  Expired 5/2009
I find ear drops left from a previous infection.  Expired  6/2007
I find decongestant.  Expired 6/2010
I find Tylenol.  Expired 1/2010

As a matter of fact, half of everything in the medicine cabinet is expired.  So I have to bundle up the kids, load them in the car and take a trip to the drug store.

I fill my cart with Ibuprofen, Tylenol, and Children's Dimetapp.   As most parents do before buying medication to give to their children, I read the active ingredients, drug warnings, and drug facts on the side panels.  One was more interesting than the others.

Children's Dimetapp

-avoid alcoholic beverages
-alcohol, sedatives, and tranquilizers may increase drowsiness
-be careful when driving a motor vehicle or operating machinery

I thought,"Good thing they included that warning."  I was going to give Rio a bottle of wine and then let him drive us home. 

Seriously!

Three Slices Short

When I pick my kids up from school the first two minutes after they get in the car are always the most interesting. I get the details of all the injustices that happened in the school day.  Today it was child "A" . 

"I didn't even get pizza today." Stated child "A"

"Why would you have pizza, it's a half day?"  I asked.  "Schools out before lunch."

"Well I wasn't the only one... there was three of us who didn't get any."  Child "A" continued to state the injustice.

"I see you have a cupcake, was it someones birthday?"  I asked the obvious.

"Yes, our group was last and they ran out of pizza.  They only had hot wings left." Child "A" said shaking her head. "I saw more in the box, but I think those pieces were left for the adults."

"I don't understand?  There was pizza left...but the adults said there wasn't...because they were saving pizza for themselves?"  I asked. "How do you feel about that?"

"Some kids were upset..."  Child "A" said as she handed her cupcake to her younger sibling.

"Were you upset?"  I asked looking into the rear view mirror.

Child "A" tightened her mouth and shook her head yes.

Does this really happen?

It's simple.  If there are 30 kids in a class, bring 30 slices of pizza...or nothing at all!  Some people are clueless...or should I say three slices short.

Looks like we are having pizza for dinner.


Disclaimer: Child "A" asked me to refer to her this way, for this post, for anonymity.  I explained that people who read this blog can figure out who I am referring to.  So please, pretend this didn't come from her.

Translation Required

It's school conference time!  And sometimes conferences require a little translation.

Teacher:  Your child's penmanship needs improvement.
Translation:  Your child is going to make a fine doctor.

Teacher:  Your child is very talkative during class.
Translation:  Your child is the most articulate child I've met.

Teacher: Your child is progressing at grade level.
Translation: Your child is at the top of the class.

Teacher:  Your child can't sit still.
Translation: Your child's athletic ability is impressive.

Teacher:  Sometimes your child calls out of turn.
Translation:  Your child is an eager learner.

Teacher: Your child is so sweet.
Translation:  Your child is perfect!

I couldn't of asked for better conferences if I made them up myself.

Soccer Mom

I didn't think I would survive a season of team sports.  I never aspired to be the team mom.  And I never wanted a mini-van.  So two out of three are a reality...the mini-van will have to wait.

After the snack schedule, t-shirt orders, the banner, emails, phone calls, practices, and games.  Toting water jugs, benches, balls, setting up goals, taking down goals, putting up the banner, taking down the banner, and 12 weeks of eating all of our meals out of a crock pot.  You would think I'd be done with it.  But strangely I'm not.

Venom had an awesome season, the girls were talented, the parents were fabulous, and our coach, phenomenal.  So of course with this combination we can't say farewell...we're going into indoor soccer with the same girls, the same parents and the same coach.  It's very exciting.

Still I can't help but ask, "How did I become a soccer mom?"

Pulling Teeth

"Mom I think I'm having a tooth problem."  Amaya said as she rubbed her right cheek.

"Why is that?"  I asked.

"Because I have another loose tooth... and I don't know if it should be." She continued to rub her cheek.

"I told you to brush more or your teeth are going to fall out of your head." I teased her.  "Come here.  Let me see." I said as I waved her closer.

"Don't touch it!"  She backed away.

"I won't." I grabbed her hand and pulled her closer.  I had her open up her mouth so she could show me and I reassured her that it was fine.  "It barely wiggles, it's not ready." 

"It hurts."  She complained.

"You'll be fine." I told her.

"Well... all I'm really worried about is my eating." She explained.

"Amaya you're not going to starve!" I told her.

I gave her some Motrin for the pain then had the kids brush their teeth and go to bed. 

Twenty minutes later I heard a grunting scream coming from the bathroom.  I opened the door and there was Amaya holding her tooth in her hand leaning over the sink.

"Why won't it stop bleeding?" She started to panic.

"Amaya!  It's because it wasn't ready to come out. Oh my gosh look at the hole!"

"But I can eat right?"  She asked. 

Unbelievable.

Where Have All the Pencils Gone?

Teachers always have pencils at the top of their supply wish lists. 

"I just don't know where all the pencils go."  Said the teacher.

I shrug my shoulders, "I don't know...but they seem to like sharpening them into nubs."

Little did I know, I would  solve the pencil mystery.  My house!  Somehow my house is The Grand Central Station of pencils.  I know this because I have never bought a pencil to be kept in this house...EVER! 

I showed my husband the pencil collection I found picking up the house. 

"Where did all of those come from?"  He questioned in disbelief.

"Around the house." I said.  "And I haven't even looked under the couch cushions yet."

"So there's more..."  He was stating the obvious.

"Have you ever bought a pencil?" I asked squinting my eyes at him.

"Never." He states. Confirming my suspicion of our little pencil thieves.

"Well I guess we know where all the schools pencils are ending up." I said.

Now I have to go tell my kids that we do not need any more pencils, but mommy is running low on pens.

The Quiet Game

The only way for Rio to win The Quiet Game...cheat.  

Before you worry and call CPS, just know I don't make a habit of duct taping my kids mouth shut.  He did this himself.  But who am I to stop him.  It was a brilliant idea!  I don't know why I've never thought of it. 

Rio wanted to tape his sister's mouth shut as well but unfortunately she wasn't having it.

Reading Overload

The school trimester is almost up.  In two days to be exact.  And I have apparently forgotten how stressful the fourth grade can be.

"Amaya you need to read if you want to have any chance of making your AR goal."  I stated, totally unsympathetic.

"I'm trying Mom!"  Amaya responds.

"Don't be surprised if you're a few points shy of making it to the pizza party."  I added.

Then she started crying.

"What's the matter? Why are you crying?"  I dared to ask knowing I've provoked this.

"All school year you've been pushing me to read and I have been.  I read all the time.  I'm trying really hard!"  She says crying.

I had to apologize.  I was being unfair.  I push because I want her to do well and I know how bad she wants to go to that pizza party. 

She doesn't know, but I am on her side.  She has read over 31 books in twelve weeks, and it still isn't enough.  That's ridiculous. Reading is important, I agree, but there are other things in life that are equally important.  Reading for points makes reading a chore.

Making children read more doesn't necessarily develop a love for reading any more than eating peanut butter and jelly every day will develop a love for peanuts.  At some point they just get burnt out.

So I've decided to back off.  The world isn't going to end if she doesn't meet some silly AR goal.

Goodbye Halloween

Goodbye Halloween. It is finally over!  I love a holiday as much as the next person, well maybe not quite that much, but in my defense enough is enough.

Why is Halloween now a four day event?  Is it so Halloween Stores can justify charging $40.00 for a paper thin nylon costume?  Or are parents dragging out the event to rationalize buying one of those over priced costumes, that in many cases will still require purchasing three more accessories to complete? 

Day four, the department stores host trick-or-treating.  Day three, the schools have Halloween parades and class parties.  Day two, churches and individuals host Halloween events around town.  Then finally Halloween Trick-or-Treating. 

All while my children nag me regarding October 31st.  Not because it will be Halloween, but because they want to make sure they make it to church on time so they can audition for the part they want in the Christmas Play.  Really kids...can't we get through one holiday before we worry about the next.

This morning on the way to school they started singing Christmas songs.  So Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday.  No one is really excited until the turkey is in the oven.