Socks Are Required

I'm the last person on earth to criticize someone for thinking that the rules don't apply to them.  Rules are made to be broken!  I believe this.  Common sense is another story.

At McDonald's today my mom and I sat next to the glass separating us from the play structure.  Partly because the lack of tables inside, but it was more due to the aroma of food mingled with the smell of sweat and feet.

Rio came to the table and I snapped.  "WHERE ARE YOUR SOCKS?!"  His eyes got big...he was caught.  "Go put them on right now!"  I hoped the ten second rule still applied.

Then my mom pointed out a dozen other children not wearing socks either.  Then she took the hand sanitizer from her purse and placed it on the table.

"It's so he can run up the slide,"  Amaya tattles.

"Well, you aren't supposed to go up the slide,"  my mom reminds her.

Unbelievable!  Don't those mothers care?  Do they not know why that rule is in place?  I'm horrified (and I'm okay if Rio eats dirt).  There's really no excuse when they sell socks at the counter for one dollar.

The "socks are required" sign wasn't posted by the fun police trying to ruin their day.  It's a rule that is posted for people who lack common sense.

Now I have to go Lysol my kids!

Saved by Ants

I had uninvited visitors drop by.  ANTS!  I despise the little trespassers.  However their timing this year was perfect.  They've saved me from myself. 

I've already polished of the gallon of oyster stew that was left over from Christmas Eve.  And when I say I've eaten all the stew that also includes 3 pounds of ham,  a quart of potato salad,  the left over posole, the salami, the dish of jello, the jar of cookies, and...well you get the point.

I consider myself to be indebted to the ant army that swarmed my chocolate cake and apple pie.  It was for my own good. 

Still, I had to kill them.

Where There's Smoke There's Fire

Snuggling by a roaring fire next to the fireplace is relaxing and cozy.  Not if you live in my house.  Here,  a fire is lit and sends excitement through the air.

I was in the shower and Amaya came barging in.  Slapping her hand against the glass, pressing a piece of paper against the fogged shower door.

"Do we need this?"  She asked impatiently.

"What is it?"  I yelled over the water.

"I don't know, do we need it?  I don't want to go."  She stated with urgency.

I tried to make out the writing through the glass and it appeared to be a flier advertising a play.

"No we don't need it,"  I answered.

"Good, then I'm gonna burn it,"  she said, and a little too enthusiastic for my comfort.

Naturally concerned, I went into the family room and found where all the excitement was taking place.  The kids sat in front of the fireplace, each with their own piles of papers collected throughout the house to burn.  There was old homework papers, coupons, book marks, candy wrappers, grocery store ads, Rio's old shoes...if it could catch fire it was in their piles.

"Is this a good idea?"  I asked the other grown-up in the room.  But my husbands eyes were glossed over, starring at the fire with the kids.

I snapped my fingers, "Helloooo."

"What? I've got it under control," he said shooing me away. "It's fine."

Since then, many important papers have gone missing around the house and my husband can't think of where they could of gone.

"I have no idea,"  I tell him.

Big Mistake!

Amaya's had a fever and headache for seven days.  She's been in bed most of the week and we've exhausted all of the medicine in our medicine cabinet, to make her more comfortable, twice. 

Sick isn't any way for a child to spend their winter break.

This afternoon it was Rio's turn.  It seemed to hit him like a brick wall.  One minute he was playing, and the next he was crying, lying on the couch, with a headache and a fever.  Poor kid.

I gave him a Tylenol.  Big mistake!  It worked too well.  Was it laced with crack?  He's bouncing off the walls, talking a hundred miles a minute, and terrorizing Amaya.

Evidently being sick doesn't affect him the same way it does his sister.

I can't wait for the Tylenol to wear off.  I'm switching him to Benadryl.
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Santa Dilemma!

Amaya has an ambitious list for Santa.

She wants a laptop, an electric guitar (with an amp), and a flat screen TV.  She wants a new Nintendo DS system, a Wii, and Mind flex. She wants the i-pod touch, a Blue Ray Disc player, and anything else one could think of that has a price tag above $200.00.

This list could be a result of three things.

She's spoiled rotten, to the core. She has to be...if she honestly thinks a list like this will be fulfilled.

Or she's the kid who doesn't have any of these things, but all of her friends do. Afterall, she was good all year, she deserves it.

Or...she is on to us!

Rio's list this year.  Nothing.  It's like pulling teeth with that kid.  He says Santa knows.  He wouldn't even tell the Department Store Santa.

Evidently Amaya and Rio are anticipating for the wealthy, psychic Santa to visit our house Christmas Eve.

This will be interesting.

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"Honesty's the Best Policy"

The honesty bug has bit my mother.

We went shopping.  After my mom found a safe spot to park in the back, she noticed an SUV.  We get out and she says, "Look how dark those windows are!  Why did you get a ticket?"

"Because I got caught..."  I answered with sarcasm.

"Oh...and no front license plate.  That's illegal!"  She said as she walked to the back of the vehicle to check if the SUV was from out-of-state.  "Well the license plate says Doctor so-in-so."

I laughed, "Maybe she wrote herself a prescription for photo-sensitivity."

As we hiked toward the store a lady, who clearly heard all that was said, passed us.  "It's her, way to go mom." I teased.

Because of the look she gave us, I'm sure she walked past her car and pretended it wasn't hers until the coast was clear.  I can't blame her.


In the store she had no problem telling the cashier making minimum wage that they had no business having her personal information.  "I was here last week and you didn't need to scan my Driver's License."  She stated as she handed the girl a check, with all of her information printed in the upper left corner.

The poor girl answered, "It's so the store knows it's your check."

"It's because they can't read the license." I added.

"When did this change?"  She questioned with suspicion.  "I don't like it."

"I'm just doing my job Ma'am."  The girl sighed.

To diffuse the situation I added, "The guy behind us gave up and jumped in another line."

"It's not my fault she couldn't help me."  She snapped, pointing to the security sensor that had to be unlocked by a manager.

I teased her some more.

We left the store and she asked, "Where to next."

I told her and laughed. Then suggested she wait in the car.  She didn't.

December Gift Shop Junk

"Everyone who didn't have money got to play outside for an extra recess."  Rio tells me in the the car.

"What are you talking about?"  I questioned.

"For the December Gift Shop at school.  We don't have money." He answered.

"We have money Rio." I corrected him as he interrupted.

"I know, when my teacher asked if I had money, I told her no...my mom said it's all junk!  And my teacher said Oh."

I smiled as I pictured the look on her face.

"Recess is better than junk!" He announced.

Then Amaya asked, "Mom can we go to the Dollar Store."

-

If There's Nothing Nice to Say, Say Something Else

When I'm out in public with my children, two things always happen.

With Rio strangers stop me and say, "Wow, he's full of energy.  You must be tired." 

But their tone is saying, " Control you child.  And by the way...you look like crap."

I respond with a smile, "Yes, he's all boy.  If I could bottle his energy I'd be rich. But he keeps me young." 

What I'm really saying, "I get it, you don't like boys because your old and bitter."

From when Amaya was a baby strangers always stop me to ask, "Where did she get that beautiful red hair.  Is that her natural hair color."

Their tone is saying, "She obviously doesn't take after you, you must dye her hair for attention."

I respond with a smile, "Yup, it's the Irish in her. You can't get that color in a bottle."

I'm really saying, "Are you an idiot.  Of course it's her natural color. And don't waste your money, her color wouldn't look right on you."

If there's nothing nice to say, say something else!

Lawnmowers are Destroying the Planet

"Mom...did you know that lawnmowers are bad for the earth?"  Amaya yelled over the radio from the backseat.

"What?  Where did you hear this?"  I asked as I turned down the radio.  My first thought, indoctrination.

"Do you know why?"  She quizzed me.

"I can't wait to find out."  I added with sarcasm.

"It's all of the oil they use." She was totally serious.

My husband and I looked at each other and started laughing. 

"Amaya, I've had my lawnmower for ten years and I've only put oil in it once."  My husband said still laughing.  "Do you mean gas?"

"Who told you this?"  I asked again.

"My teacher."

"Ohhhhh...did you talk about what else is bad for the earth?"

"No just lawnmowers."

"There are bigger issues than lawnmowers.  I think lawnmowers are the least of the earths problems."  I told her.

"Well my teacher disagrees with you." She said bluntly.

"Ask her about cows."

"Cows?  Cows aren't bad.  Cows are living creatures.  How are they bad?"

"They fart!"

"Fart!!!"  Rio yells and laughs hysterically.  We were talking in a language a seven year old boy could relate to.

My husband an I tried to explain, but it was to comical for either one of them to take anything we said seriously.

"So unless you want to stop eating hamburgers and steak." My husband added.

"Well my teacher said one day we won't have lawnmowers anymore because they're so bad.  And we need to help clean the planet."  Amaya still holding her position.

"Why don't you start with cleaning your room, then well move on to the planet."  I said.

Silence.

School Pictures



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Can you guess which picture I hung on my wall?

If you guess the first one, you would be correct. That is how they hooked me. They meaning professional school photographers.Take one good picture, then I'll be dumb enough to pay in advanced for years to come. 

It started in Kindergarten, when the school sent home a flier for picture day with pose and background options, and an assortment of picture packages to choose from.  The flier also stated:  "All photos must be paid for in advance.  Please send cash or check in the attached envelope with your child on picture day."

I remember thinking, "What?  Pay for pictures before I see them, how stupid is that."

Reluctantly I ordered the pictures.  And they turned out great!  The first picture really does capture who he is.  I didn't know it would be all downhill from there.

Now all I can do is try to suppress the disapproving mother in me that starts to surface when I open up his school pictures.  I force a slight smile and look up at Rio...but I can't resist.

Picture 2

"Why did you smile like that?"

"The lady told me to."  He said.  "Do you like them?"

"Very nice."  I said raising my eyebrows. I put the pictures back in the envelope and conveniently lost them in the office.  I convinced myself that the next one would be better.

Picture 3

"Here mom."  Rio handed me his school pictures.

"Rio!  What kind of smile is that?"  I asked, noticing all of his bottom teeth.

"She didn't like my mouth shut, she said to smile big and show teeth."  He explained.

"Okay."  Those also disappeared in the office.

Picture 4

What do you think I said.  Well...not what I wanted. 

"Mom, and you were worried about them combing our hair stupid."  Amaya pointed out.

So I've learned my lesson.